The tiny imaginary audience inside [your] head [does] not exist; no one watches our life movies. (p. 409, Red Mars, Kim Stanley Robinson)
There are many things I want to say that I never do. I feel that everything that I publish has to be polished. I have to give answers. But many of the things that are most worth writing about are those that I can’t find answers for. They get blocked up inside myself, and never see the light of day.
So I’m starting an anonymous blog, where I can write without filtering. I’ve toyed with the idea for some time. The problem is, no matter how truly felt something is, when I say it out loud with the expectation of someone else hearing it, it changes the nature of what I say. There’s an aspect of show-show to it. “See how deeply I feel, see how piercingly I see the world!”
I don’t have the illusion that my thoughts will matter to anyone except myself. The primary audience for this blog is that imaginary audience inside my head. But just because it’s imaginary doesn’t mean it isn’t important.