Love helps

(from diary, 12/2)

…The feeling that struck me the most was how much being happy – and a big part of that is having Friends and people who care about you and who you can talk about your interiority with (likeĀ this) – really affects the way I deal with the world. I can rage against this and call myself a prisoner to circumstance, but that’s not useful. It’s so much easier to be nice to everyone, to cooperate, to do the things that need to be done, to give people the benefit of the doubt, when I get the feeling that there are people who care about me.

The platonic ideal of morality and success is that I do whatever is Right – treating people well, working hard… – no matter the circumstances I find myself in. Treat other people well even if I don’t feel cared for, work hard even if no one shows they appreciate the work.

But that’s not reality. It’s not a matter of logical update – the feeling that I “should” work hard or be nice to people doesn’t by itself make me work hard or be nice to people.

It takes a larger shift.

The reality is that feeling loved has a huge impact. The reality is that people who are in a relationship can be more productive because they feel that love. There’s nothing moral or fair about it – it’s just the way things are.

So seek love.

“Hold on when you give love, and let go when you give it.”

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A Friend to talk about Thoughts with

I think the worst thing about growing up introverted is feeling like there isn’t a single person I can talk to about the deepest, darkest thoughts I have. All I need is one friend who I feel OK with being completely open about. When I was small, I didn’t have Thoughts. But after more life happened, and left me with Thoughts, I realized there was a gap in my life—I hadn’t cultivated a friend who I could talk to about these Thoughts. I had friends in various settings, whom I revealed different parts of myself to, but not a friend with whom I felt I could talk about Thoughts. And when the Thoughts left me desiring a Friend, it was hard to find one on demand.

A word of advice: find a Friend who you can talk to about Thoughts, before you grow up and it becomes harder. All you need is one.